Responsibility of a Large Family

      Sometimes I forget that we have a large family, or at least larger than normal, maybe it’s because for me it feels normal, and also because I could see us with a few more (that will be up to the Lord whether that happens or not) so having 6 doesn't seem like a huge amount.  (note: I have to admit that I think of myself as a mother of 8, even though 2 of my children are not physically here on earth, they are all always on my mind and in my heart)  

It’s mostly when we are out that I get reminded that we not “normal”. The other day we were in line at Frisch’s (thank you Valentines coupons, free kids meals!) and the guy in front of us turns around, starts counting kids and asked “Are you guys coming from Catholic church?”  I laughed and said, “no.”  Then he said “oh I figured you were, when the bible says ‘be fruitful and multiply’ you guys took it seriously!”  Then they sat us at two booths because they didn't have table available big enough for us.   

I am not one of those people who get upset by comments from strangers.   I couldn’t count the number of times I have heard “Are those all yours?” “You sure have your hands full” “You’ve got the whole team with you” “How many of those are yours?” (because clearly they all couldn't be mine, right?) “You look way too young/too small to have that many kids” (I have to say I like this one, it will be sad when that one stops!!) “How do you do it?” “Do you know what causes that?” etc. etc. etc.  Or I hear them counting the kids, people are always looking at us and I can’t tell if it is in a good way or bad way!  It’s silly to me, I don’t feel like we have that many. 

I typically think its funny and don’t get offended. I am proud of our family.  But I do see the attention we get as a responsibility.  We draw attention to ourselves by the amount of children we have, and even more so because we homeschool, when we are out during school hours that draws attention as well.  I am constantly telling the kids before we get out of the van “lets not make a scene in here, ok?!”  

I remind them that we are representing homeschoolers, large families, and Christians.   And that’s a big job, we should be a light in the world.   We can change the stereotypes that others may have in their head.  We won’t always know who all is watching, but we know God is watching, and can use us at any time as a blessing or a good example for someone else.  So that should be reason enough to not make a nasty comment back to someone who has just said something that could be taken as offensive, or reason enough for the kids to show respect to the people around, the place we are at, as well as to me and each other.   When they are little they don’t understand that concept, they have made “a scene” many times!  But I am still responsible for how I respond to them, and as they grow they understand it more and more.  I want to be approachable for someone who has a genuine question about homeschooling, raising a family, faith, etc.  I couldn’t help anyone if I was yelling at my kids, looking irritated, snapping at people, etc.   You never know all the ways your words or actions could affect someone else, and when you have a large family makes it a little easier for you to stand out and make a difference, so let’s see all that attention and those comments as a good thing instead of annoying!

“In the same way, let your light shine before people in such a way that they will see your good actions and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16 

Thoughts, 12 weeks after losing my baby

Right after I lost baby Trey in November ( I was 16 weeks pregnant when we found out he had passed away and I delivered him on Nov. 19th…I plan to do a post sharing the story of each of the two losses pretty soon, when I have some real alone time and a box of tissues) I had a hard time going places and seeing people for the first time.  For a few weeks I avoided places like church or my girls dance classes because I couldn’t see anyone without bursting into tears, and when I went back for the first time it was really hard, there were many tears.  Part of it was the last  time I was here I was pregnant and part of it was talking to other people, I cried there when I talked about it or I cried at home if no one acknowledged it. 

Things got easier after the first time seeing people and first time going back to places I went while pregnant.  One place I haven’t been about to go back to without getting really emotional either there or afterward is the bible study that I started attending at the very beginning of the pregnancy. And I think that’s the big reason, I was already pregnant when it started, I associate going there with being pregnant.  Other than that though I thought I was ok now, as far as going out and getting back to our normal schedule. Its been just over 12 weeks. 

It happened again today though.  I was getting ready take the kids to the Homeschool Valentines Party and I realized that I hadn't seen anyone from the homeschooling group since the Halloween Party, held at the same place, when I was pregnant.  And I was suppose to be on a field trip at the Museum with our homeschool friends on the morning of Nov. 19th instead of at the hospital delivering my baby that was no longer alive.  

It’s still hard, just when I think I am doing ok something triggers all these raw emotions.  My heart starts hurting again, literally hurting.  I have days when I am just on the verge of tears all day. Maybe it will always be like this, I will probably always have days here and there that are just hard, where the pain just gets intensified for some reason.  You know what though, it’s ok.  Having days like that are ok.  I don't want to stop having them altogether. Yes it is nice that as time goes on that those days are further and further apart, but as hard as being overwhelmed with the intense grief is, it is worth it, it keeps me feeling close to them (both babies I lost).

There is a flip side though, for the most part I can now smile when say their names, I smile knowing they are still my babies just in a better place. They aren’t gone forever, we are only temporarily separated.  Remembering that is what has gotten me through the dark days and has given me the peace and hope I have needed when it seemed like I had lost all my hope.   

Why we homeschool...

     The three questions I get most often about homeschooling are: 1) What made you decide to homeschool? 2) Are you going to do it all the way through high school? and 3) How do you do it with multiple kids/ages?  So today I thought it would talk about why we homeschool and what made us decide to do it.  I often get flustered when someone asks me that question because I feel like I don’t have a good enough answer.   The short easy answer is that I believe it is what I am suppose to be doing. It just feels right.  That might not be the answer people are looking for though. 

     Eight years ago when my oldest child was 3 1/2 years old all the moms with kids her age were talking about registering for preschool.  These where moms from dance or MOPS mostly.  I would get asked what preschool I am going to send her to, or if she was going to start in the fall.  I didn't know what to do, to me it didn't make sense to send her to a preschool when I was a stay-home mom and could teach her all that stuff, but seemed like that was what everyone was doing.  I questioned it.  I was expressing my anxiety over sending her to school to another mom at dance when she suggested homeschooling, she had homeschooled her sons for several years.  Up until that point I honestly didn't know that homeschooling was a real thing!  I remember once my husband jokingly said “we’ll just homeschool her” when she was a baby and we were talking about one day having to send her to school, he was totally kidding though, we hadn’t known anyone at all who did it.  As soon as she told me about it I got excited. It was a Thursday, I immediately started looking up things online about homeschooling and that evening I went to a local christian bookstore and found a homeschooling book.  I knew immediately thats what we were going to do. I prayed that my husband would be on board.  By Friday evening we decided “YES! We were going to homeschool!”  I felt such peace over the decision and have never questioned it since. 

     Of course, over the years I have added to my list of reasons why we continue, I tend to not be too open about them publicly though because I would never want to sound like I think that those who aren't homechooling are doing something wrong.  Which I absolutely don't think.  My closest friends don’t homeschool, that’s the beauty of motherhood, there are so many different ways to do it(this motherhood thing) and we are all doing it right as long as we are doing what we feel is best for our family, even if it is completely different from the mom next to us. Homeschooling is certainly not for everyone.  

     Here are a few of my other reasons of why we stick with homeschooling even when it isn't easy: Testing, we don’t do testing, my kids learn because they want to be smart, to know things, figure things out, not so that they can pass a test.  I like to be on our own schedule, we do schoolwork when other kids have snow days but then we take the day off and go to the zoo or park when its nice out.  Some years we have had more of a year-round schedule so that we can have an easier school load during times of morning sickness or having a new baby.  We get up and start our day on our own time not around when the bus comes. I’ve never been one to just do what everyone else does without questioning it, so homeschooling just fits my personality well.  I love being the one to hear the excitement in their voice when they are learning about something that is fascinating to them, or being the one that works through a concept with them and seeing it finally “click” for them.  

    Another big reason I love homeschooling is how it promotes and establishes sibling bonding, they would be away from each other for so many hours of the day if they were in school.  What’s more, I like being around my kids all day, yes, of course there are times when they drive me crazy (that's the reason a mom's night out can be much needed!) but they are mine and I truly enjoy having them home.

Just a Monday

I have heard many times “how to you do it?” “I am drowning with just 2 kids” “I could never do that” when other moms find out I have six children and homeschool them.  Its funny because, well for one thing when I only had one or two kids I thought the same thing about those who had a bunch of kids.  And it’s also funny because they think I have it all together, I must have it all together to have half a dozen kids and homeschool, right?….hummmm…no….not even close.  

Today is a great example of NOT having it all together:  So we are getting ready to head out of the door to dance classes, again, almost running late, everybody had shoes and coats on, except me, I was still throwing coloring books, ninja turtles, and lollipops in my bag to keep the kids who weren’t in class happy for 45 min.  I realized my 2 1/2 year old hadn't gone to the bathroom for a while, so I pulled her little potty chair into the hallway by the front door and sat her on it (yes, while she still had her jacket and boots on, haha).  My oldest is saying that we are going to be late, the other kids were tired of being crowded at the door and were like “we’re outta here” and started walking out to the car, leaving my daughter who is sitting on the potty exposed to the cold air and neighbors. I was feeling like quite a “hot mess” (as my girls would say) with my toddler on my hip, big bag over my shoulder, as I rush to lock my front door and run to the van. Of course a neighbor was outside.  

I admit that I don’t love the neighbors seeing that I am struggling to just get out of the door, but yeah sometimes it happens, sometimes the kids are hitting each other on the way to the van, hollering at each other as they fight over who gets in first, I am often running back inside for something I have forgotten.  That is not even mentioning the fact that we got no schoolwork done today, my house was a mess and was in desperate need of attention, despite the fact that I had it looking pretty good just a couple days ago!  So at the time when we are at home between being back and forth from dance classes, when ideally we would work on school work, I let the kids play legos so that I could get the place looking decent again.  This is just a typical Monday for me.  

It’s ok though, it’s all part of the life of a mom.  Sometimes I just stand back and have to laugh at the chaos of it all.  Kids acting crazy and rowdy, dinner needing made, mountain of laundry needing folded, toys and books scattered everywhere, I kinda love it.  It makes me smile.  Have you seen the movie Mom’s Night Out?  I love the theme of it, a beautiful mess.  That is the definition of motherhood. I love that. 

It can be easy to feel frustrated and overwhelmed by the chaos of running a home and raising kids, I have those days, trust me.   But hearing the girls giggling together, having my toddler whisper “I love you forever” with her arms around my neck, watching my boys run up the stairs to show me the “awesome” lego invention they just came up with makes it all worth while. 

 Even during my hardest days just stepping back to look at them, to soak it all in (what a miracle each one really is) gives me so much joy.    

Mama's stressed when kids aren't feeling well!

    Wow,  sometimes being a mom of many is so stressful!  I'm not talking about the everyday things like making bigger meals, more dishes, more laundry,  or just the plain logistics of a larger than normal family.  I'm talking about the worry, the fear, the anxiety in your gut when one of your children is not feeling well/sick or having a problem, etc. multiply that feeling by how many children you have and it can get overwhelming at times.  
      Today I have a daughter who turned 7 years old (YAY!! for LILY BELLE) but sometimes I do worry about her because she is still the size of a 4 or 5 year old.  My husband took our 11 year old to urgent care after church and she has an ear infection.  My 4 year old son is on amoxicillin right now for his ear infection and has developed a rash over the weekend.  My 8 year old has another one of her headaches, usually they make her throw up (she is like her mother, my headaches can make me throw up too) and now I am wondering if she needs to get her eyes checked, which her Dr. has done a basic test but I think she needs an actual eye exam, she seems to get headaches on church days when she has been trying to read the screen or something, or maybe I am wrong and it has nothing to do with her eyes.  My 2 year old has been cranky because she isn't feeling well, and has bitten both her bothers today. 
       Sick season is so hard for moms in general whether you have one child or 10, you HATE when your kid isn't feeling well.  I can't sleep well when one of my kids is sick, my body won't let me, like I need to be on alert and ready to run to them in the middle of the night at the first peep.  You worry when one gets sick, are all the others going to get it?  You worry if its going to turn into something worse.  It's times like this, in the midst of a season when "it's always something!" that you start to be more thankful for the times when you have a whole week, even a whole day, with no new issues, when a doctor doesn't need called, when I am not googling some symptoms or texting my sister-in-law (who happens to be a nurse at Childrens Hospital) asking her what to do about one of the kids.   
     There are times when I just sit down exhausted and think, whats next?  Or who's next?  BUT... here are a couple things that really help me during these times: First of all, being thankful.  Having these worries means I have children to worry about.  Talk about putting your perspective in place, right?!  I am so thankful for them, even when they do completely overwhelm me at times!  Being thankful for when its just little things like ear infections and rashes, when there are so so many bigger issues I could be facing with one of them.  The second thing that helps me, especially recently, is just remembering it is all in Gods hands, and somehow, no matter what I am going through, tiny or gigantic, it will work out.  My prayers have changed since losing the babies last year, slowly through dealing with that I learned to rely on Him more, when at first I pulled away, I am now closer.  I have learned that just praying for what you want to happen isn't how to pray.  Now when I start to feel the stress that comes along with the times dealing with sick/not feeling well/hurt children I pray for wisdom to know what to do for the kids, I pray for peace over my worry, I pray for comfort for my child, I pray for strength.  Anxiety over your children will eat away at you if you let it, knowing that they are in Gods hands and allowing that to bring peace over you can make all the difference in a mamas heart and sanity! 

Encouragement to talk about it…whether you have had a miscarriage or someone you know goes through one

      There are so many people who don't talk about it, either they have had a miscarriage and don't talk about it or you have had one and people don't want to bring it up.  Why don't they want to bring it up? Probably because they just don’t know what to say besides, “I’m sorry that happened to you” (which, by the way, is ok to say). Yes, someone else’s grief can be uncomfortable to those around them, so its easier to just not bring it up, right?  And then there’s the fear they have of not wanting to make you think about it and make you sad if you weren't already thinking about it.  When am I not thinking about my baby?  My babies that I lost are always on my mind.  I am thankful to those who say something, who bring it up. I WANT to talk about my babies, even the whole experience, as hard as that can be, it helps, its healing.  

Recently I had someone at church say “Hey, I have been wanting to say I am sorry about what happened with your baby and we have been praying for you, I wasn't sure when to bring it up, I didn't want to make you sad”.  Its been over two months now, people don't mention it much since its not “fresh news”, maybe they think I’m ‘over it’, maybe they just don't remember.  I was touched that he said that even though it has been a couple months, it started a whole conversation about it, I opened up about it all, I didn't get upset, I was happy to talk about it, it keeps their(my babies) memory alive.  Thank you to those who say SOMETHING, acknowledgement of the loss of a life is what means more than you having the “right” words to say. 

I encourage you to talk about it if you have been through a loss, you need it and you never know if some else needs it too.  I was surprised to find out who else had a miscarriage that I never knew about and I wouldn't have known had I not told everyone about mine. Several of those came to me and we talked about their loss too, I think it helped them as well. 
 It has been very helpful to me to talk to others who have been through it, I know I am not alone.  Sometimes you will never know what your words or actions do for someone else, God can use you through your trials.  God might have a message you need to hear and just the right person to share it with you but if you don't open those doors of communication and share what you are going through then you may miss something important. Or they might miss something important that God wants them to hear through you.  
I am not always good about opening up in groups of people in person but I find other ways, one-on-one conversations, I have shared on Facebook after losing both of my babies, in writing (journaling as well as writing what, one day, might turn into a book or ebook), starting this blog, etc. I need to get things out,  I always feel better when I talk to my husband about something that is bothering me, or text a close friend, or even just writing in my journal.  It can be hard when you those around you haven't been through losing a baby so they don't REALLY get it,  but if you open up and share they will have empathy, compassion, prayers for you, a better understanding and sometimes thats all you need from someone else.  

Do You Have a Morning Routine?

My Morning Routine

It is the beginning of February, which means I have been doing my routine for a month now and I am still loving it.  Over the years my morning “routines” or lack of one has changed a lot.  There were many years when the only structure or schedule to my morning depended on the precious baby in the crib next to my bed, and if that is where you are don’t envy this “free time” I am going to be talking about, enjoy those priceless times of every minute revolving around your baby (I would gladly give up my morning routine for that)!

But now my kids are getting bigger, they usually sleep a little later, they play in their rooms together until I come to them so that has given me some time I can take in the morning as “me time” if I choose.  I say “if I choose” because until I came up with my little “morning routine” I would sometimes just waste the time lying in bed, not wanting to get up, being lazy…now in my defense I did have a pretty good excuse, for much of 2014 I was either pregnant or recovering from a miscarriage (physically) or just grieving emotionally which I will admit made it just so hard to get out of bed some mornings.  

 
After I had my second loss (Nov. 19th was when I delivered him) I told myself I would give myself the month of December “off”, I didn't try to get back into exercising, I didn't try to plan to get up at any certain time (just whenever the kids woke me up over the monitors), I didn't make lists of things that needed to get done, I just did whatever I could do, some days I was productive or busy with the kids and their activities, other days the hurt was just too much and all I could do was sit on the couch or in my bed and cuddle and read stories with my kids (we didn't get a whole lot of school done during that time either besides my oldest who is very independent with her work). 

 
I knew I needed to act together for the new year, and I knew it was going to have to start with my mornings, I was torn because I have always gone back and forth over the years on: should I use “me time”for exercising, or should I use “me time” for reading devotions or studying the bible.  Both are important to me, so I had to choose both.

I am not a morning person naturally, so getting up, even just SITTING up in bed at like 6:30 or 7:00 requires discipline for myself.  I keep devotional books, bible, bible study books, my journal and laptop all within reach of my bed so start my morning by sitting up and grabbing one of those.  Luckily I have a wonderful husband who brings me a small glass of iced coffee in the morning before he leaves for work, somedays that's the only thing that has motivated me to open my eyes!  So I do devotion time/quiet time/reading/writing for about half hour to 45 min. then I get up and either do a 20 min Pilates or yoga dvd, or I do about 30 min on the elliptical (I alternate days). Then I greet the children, shower, give them breakfast (yes so sometimes we don't eat breakfast until 9 or so, which may seem late for some of you, but, hey, thats one of the beauties of homeschooling, we can be flexible and make our own schedule), get ready if we are going somewhere that day.  So there ya go,  that has become my little morning routine every week day.