The MEMORIAL Service

             That heaviness has been lifted, not gone, but I do feel “lighter”.  The past couple weeks have been very emotional leading up to this day.  The closer I got to the due date the more it was sinking in that we could be/should be/would have been having our baby boy right now.  It is a coincidence, or possibly a God thing, that this memorial service happened to be held right at the due date for Trey.  This is a memorial service that Mercy Health puts together at Gate of Heaven cemetery once a year for all those bereaved parents like us who have lost a baby.  I am so thankful to them for the way they honor babies lost.  The way they treated me (and Trey) when I delivered, and the way they do this memorial service is just something I will forever be so appreciative of, seriously, words can not express it, I think going through this process would have been even that much harder without the love, kindness and acknowledgment of true life lost that they give.

We knew this day would be hard for us, we were looking forward to it and yet dreading it all at the same time.  It was very much needed though and I am already feeling better, more at peace.  Sometimes in order to feel better you just have to let all that emotion out, let yourself feel it, even when it really hurts.  My husband was saying that today, he is good at putting things into the back of his mind and not letting himself get too emotional but this morning as he wrote a note (about Trey) inside of a bible he got me he couldn’t stop his tears from flowing…he needed it too.  I am beyond grateful to have him.   

 
          There was a short service and prayer time, parents wrote messages to our babies and we placed the notes in a box that was put along side the ashes.  Individually each baby’s name was called and parents went up to light a candle and receive a flower.

  There was a “walk to remember” from the chapel to the Garden Mausoleum.  Getting to see his ashes being placed was very important to me. After the ashes were placed, they had us to a balloon release at the end.  I didn’t want to let go.  I guess that is the point of a balloon release, you need to let go…we let go together and watched our balloon until we couldn’t see it anymore.  It was a beautiful evening.