My stage of Motherhood right now

My youngest turned 3 this week. I am not use to this…since I started having babies almost 12 years ago I have never had one turn 3 without me either being pregnant or having another baby (or two) already.   Life has slowly evolved into this new stage, but at the same time it happened so fast! There is no longer the need for 2 cribs, 2 highchairs, double stroller, etc. I was use to having two babies at all times for the most part (I have had babies as close as 12 months apart) and now I don't have any “babies”. 

Part of me is brought to tears as I pack away things, for the “just in case there’s another” hope.  But part of me is totally enjoying the freedoms that are coming from them being older.  No scheduling plans around naps, no diapers, they can all walk and talk and feed themselves, etc.  But they eat more! More of them are school age which can make homeschooling challenging at times. No more itty bitty baby snuggles.   Such mixed emotions!  

Another thing that is hard is that I when I think of my newly 3 year old little girl I don’t think my BABY is 3, because to me she is not the baby, yes, she is the “baby” here on earth but there were two after her that are “the babies” of the family.  So that just affects my emotions more when I think of the stage of motherhood I am in at the moment, makes it harder because it makes me think I should have a baby right now, I shouldn't be at this stage of no babies! but then also makes me even more grateful to have all these children that I do have and thankful they are growing up, healthy and strong. 

I met a mom at the park the other day that when I saw her I thought that was me a few years ago, she had 5 children all close together like mine, hers’ where all still so young/toddlers/babies, oh how I remember the days, how quickly those days have passed!  Mine are still fairly young, I know, but not like that.  How did I become a mother of big kids??!! I was so use to being the mother of babies and toddlers!

Big ones working on school work and little ones coloring (and eating treats) at the local coffee shop

  I have been looking back some pictures from several years ago seeing how much they all have grown, such precious memories, makes me feel so blessed!  They are pretty awesome no matter how old they are….hopefully I am still saying that when I have a houseful of teenagers in the future!  I think I calculated that at 2 different times we will have 5 teens a once! Fun times ahead, right?!   Love the stage you are in, it goes by so fast! And if you don’t love it, well, it doesn't last long anyway!   

My "12 month apart babies" 2009

 

Summertime 2010

Summertime 2011

Early fall 2012

The 3 year old!! 

No more strollers or baby carriers when we go outside, everyone can run around and play! 

One Year Anniversary-Miscarriage

Today is the one year anniversary of when our baby, who we named Jamie Cameron, went to heaven.  That baby will always be my baby #7 to me even if we do have any more here on earth.  So much has happened since April 12th last year, the whole rest of the year just got worse, there are still several dates coming up that will weigh heavy on my heart.  But today we chose to not dwell and be sad….I had my crying breakdown the night before last about it….today we just wanted to make special and spend time together.  

Brian and I were able to go out on a lunch date after church, it was so nice to be out just the two of us and enjoy alone time for a while.  We hadn't been on a “real” date out since November 23 which was Jamie’s due date (and only a couple days after losing Trey) so this date today was a lot…happier…filled much more with hope and fun instead of despair.   It is nice to do little things in remembrance or in memory of the babies for the special dates, very bittersweet.

  Yes, I am sad today, there has been just a few little tears, but overall I am choosing joy & thankful to have Brian with me through it all.  Thank you to all have been praying for us.

Our Easter 2015

     Happy Easter!

 It has been a nice weekend,  Easter is one of my favorite holidays,  celebrating Jesus being ALIVE.  Celebrating hope and springtime.  It is a good time to rest, sit back and look at what you have with thankfulness.  Oh, and I love Easter colors, they make for great scrapbook pictures:)  Yesterday I went to the salon with my grandma and got my hair done, low-lights, high-lights and trimmed, it was only the second time I had my hair professionally done like that and I love it!  

         Last night I had fun getting the kids Easter baskets ready for them.  They each got a few little things that they wanted like a book, hair accessories, small lego set, etc. and then some candy.  There are always issues with dividing up their candy, whose-whose and all that so now I divide it up ahead of time and use their initial to label their containers, so there's no question who it belongs to.

   Each kid got 3 containers in their basket.  (I also do it because I like to keep food in containers, and they have to leave it on the kitchen table after they get the baskets)  

I always like getting a picture of all the kids Easter baskets lined up together.  The baskets are special to me, my step-grandma made them all for each of their 1st Easters, except for the little one on the end that is for the babies we lost.  It was kind of like with the stockings at Christmas time, I couldn't stand the thought of having everyones lined up with their names on it and not also include the babies.

Inside the caddy is a little "care bear" that Benson found in his room a month or two ago and said "mommy can I give this to Jamie and Trey?"  He knows that he can't really "give" it to them, but I think he understands that things like that help represent them and that he hopes they can see that he is thinking of them.  It was very sweet.  Then this past week Vince got upset because he wanted to put something in their basket from him so he asked to me to make a little blanket for them. I crocheted it on good Friday and he put in their "basket" yesterday.  The other little bear is one we picked out so that there would be two bears in it for 2 babies. 

    I got up around 7a.m. to make coffee cake for breakfast, http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/double-streusel-coffee-cake The kids were already up and starting to get ready for church.  Since everyone was up and ready early we ended up doing Easter baskets before church.

 

 

I had originally thought we wouldn't have time do them first because a lot of times I don't get up and start getting ready for church until around 8, that extra hour made a big difference!  We also needed to be at church early because we were teaching in the 4 year old class, Benson was so happy that we were his teachers for Easter, and that we were bringing cookies for the class.  (and WOW what a rowdy class!  He has a great teacher that is in that class most of the time, she must have a lot of patience! Overall it went well though) And we left church with a huge bag of Hershey's Chocolate eggs (plus a gift card to Grater's ice cream) because Vince won a guessing game from last Sunday's church Easter family night!

     After church the kids just had fun hanging around the house finding Easter eggs I hid, playing with their new things and eating candy.  

I made lasagna for dinner and then we went on a family walk since it was just so nice outside.  We walked for well over an hour "exploring" the neighborhood and old golf course trail, even Cambree walked the whole time and didn't whine about her legs getting tired, I was impressed!  

 
I had moments of "awe" just watching all the kids having fun together and realizing just how big they are getting.  There are definitely times that I miss when they were younger but tonight I had a such an appreciation for the stage they are all at right now.