Dealing with Fears in Pregnancy After Loss

As most of you know I am pregnant with baby #9, after losing #7 & 8.  I wanted to give a bit of an update on the pregnancy as well as share some of the anxieties that have been going on in me because I know that many people deal with fears in pregnancy.

I started out the pregnancy filled with a lot of peace and confidence and most of the time I am still feeling like that EXCEPT…

Recently it’s getting a bit harder to not worry or have any fears. 

I am 11 weeks along and as the second trimester is coming up most people would have their fears of loss lessened at that point, but for me its only intensifying.

Although I have also had a first trimester loss I wasn't fearful of that with this pregnancy, God gave me that peace I needed.  I am trusting that He will do the same in the upcoming months of the pregnancy, I feel like I need to be in constant prayer, not just for the health of the baby but for peace and comfort for myself.  I need it! 

These fears just keep creeping in bringing tears to my eyes, I DON’T WANT TO LOSE ANOTHER BABY LIKE I LOST TREY.  Given what I have been through, I know its perfectly normal to be scared of another loss, BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE AFRAID, I’m fighting these feelings hard!  Because it’s not fair…I should be able to enjoy this pregnancy and plan for my baby just as much as someone who hasn't had a loss does.   And I am, we’ve talked about names, discussed which kind of “big” van to get, about how I will change our homeschool routine for a while when the baby comes, daydream about just holding and snuggling my baby, etc.  Despite the fact that there are no guarantees, I chose hope.  

So when I start to feel anxious I just pray, it’s really that simple, and it helps drive those fears away.  I wish the fears didn't come at all, but when they do I know I have somewhere to turn.  “He will cover you with his feathers.  He will shelter you with his wings.  His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” Psalm 91: 4, actually that whole chapter is really good.

Today I got to hear the baby’s heartbeat again at my doctors appointment, such a beautiful sound! For the next couple months I will be going to the doctor weekly to hear the heartbeat and I am so thankful for that.  I know that as I get closer to the 16 week mark where I found out I lost Trey I will probably keep getting more emotional and I know the anxiety will be at it’s strongest, I’m only human, but I will keep relying on the Lord to bring me peace as quickly as those fears come.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you are in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4: 6-7