Baby Boy is Six Weeks!

Hey everyone!  I have been wanting to write a post to update you all for a while but getting things accomplished with a newborn is easier said than done!   Currently baby boy is snoozing on my chest :)

Dylan is six weeks old today!  He is doing great!  All the kids have adjusted wonderfully to him, I have a lot of big helpers.  My older two daughters like to cook/bake so they can easily take over fixing meals when Dylan needs his mommy!  We up-sized to a 12 passenger van that we call “the truck” 3 days before he was born and I can drive that thing like a pro now! (Notice, I didn’t say I can park it like a pro haha! but I’m not too bad) 

Having 6 other kids means that, even though I have simplified our schedule as much as I can, there has still been dance classes/recitals, story-times, homeschool playdates, park days, etc. since he’s been born, not to mention everyone still needs clean clothes, clean bathrooms, and to eat several times a day(!) but I still spend a lot of time sitting snuggling with him in a big comfy chair in the living room just like the first week he was born…sometimes it makes me feel lazy, like I should just lay him down and get something done…but I am really cherishing this time with my precious baby.  My postpartum healing was worse than previous times (even now I still have a bit of spotting) so baby Dylan and I have really gotten into the habit of taking every opportunity to sit and rest together.

These first 6 weeks have flown by, I am already packing away a few onesies and sleepers that he has grown out of, didn't I JUST have him?? But it’s a good thing, breastfeeding is going great and I’m so glad he growing just as he should be!  On the other hand, I have 20 pounds to lose, I have wanted to make sure my milk is well established so I haven’t tried to lose weight yet, but I have always struggled with body image issues, even at my lowest weight, so it can be very depressing at times when I am trying to figure out what to wear and nothing fits! Trying to cut myself some slack, he’s ONLY 6 weeks old.

Getting ready for bed, I put him in a cloth
diaper over his disposable to prevent leaks,
Brian calls them his "fancy pants"!

We are getting into a little bit of a routine, like he seems to know when it is actually bedtime because that is when he gets swaddled, nurses extra and gets put in his crib which is right next to our bed, he will usually sleep for 4-5 hours before waking to nurse, then after that he goes (hopefully) another 2.5 hours maybe, then at that point it’s like 4 or 5 a.m. and that tends to be his fussy/gassy/grunting time when I just pull him into bed with me for the rest of the night/morning.  So I am getting some sleep, but I haven’t always been going to bed when he does because I need that little break when all the kids are in bed to spend time with my husband, it’s hard to juggle the need to sleep vs the need to have some time to yourself and marriage.

He is quite a needy baby during the day, I can have him sound asleep in my arms for a nap but if I lay him down to go to the bathroom or try to do something then most of the time he will wake up right away and cry for me…Brian says “You created that because you hold him ALL the time”…and yeah that may be true but so what, he’s only little like this for such a short time and I love that he wants me all the time.

Having a newborn is a full-time job, and a job I so desperately wanted and prayed for, it’s not always easy but it is SOOO worth it!  I still get tears in my eyes sometimes when I look at him and think about how blessed and thankful I am to have him.   After losing my two babies in 2014 I had this emptiness inside my heart and since having baby Dylan I feel like our family is complete now, it is a wonderful feeling.

Look at that smile!!!

My Rainbow Baby~The Birth Story

Baby Dylan is here!!

The Birth Story

Last Sunday, April 17th, I had been up and down the stairs a lot through the day just doing laundry and cleaning, etc. so when I was feeling extra pressure “down there” and some random contractions (which I assumed where just braxton hicks) I figured it was just because I was on my feet a lot.  Around 8:45 the contractions started to become a little more regular but at that point I was still not thinking it was the real thing (I remember with one of my other kids I had a couples hours of contractions that ended up being nothing) and I didn't want to start getting my hopes up.  I went to lay down in bed and read around 9:30-10 figuring they would just go away.  

I ended up falling asleep only to be woken up a short time later (a little after 11pm)with stronger contractions, then I began to feel a slow leak, I managed to slowly make my way up to the bathroom before the big gush. I just stood there shocked for a moment, my water had never broken at home before, but I had been hoping it would!  I grabbed a big pad and went to wake up Brian to tell him it was time to go to the hospital, I didn't bother calling the doctor on call first because my water wasn't clear (it had meconium in it) and with my contractions beginning to get strong I knew we should just get over there. 

When we got there I was 5cm dilated.  With the last several kids I hadn't had an epidural but with this one I was not as set on not getting one as I was with the others, the delivery of my 6th child was very rough and I just didn't want to go through that again.  So when the nurse asked me about it I told her I was still deciding.  The more I progressed the more I felt like I just didn't want to do it natural this time, so when she checked me again and I was 6 1/2-7 cm I told her I was ready for the epidural.   I am glad I did it.  About an hour and a half later I was 10 cm but he wasn’t moving down well because is head was turned to the side so the nurse had me lay on my side to try to get him to turn it…after a little while she decide I should just try pushing and see if that moves him.  

I was worried that the pushing would take a long time since I couldn't feel what I was doing (with all the ones I went natural with I pushed so “well” that it only took a couple pushes because the pain was so intense I just needed it to be over!).  I pushed through 2 contractions with the nurse before she got her phone out and said jokingly “I’m calling the doctor, I don't get paid to deliver the babies” ha! I was happy that my pushes where that effective when I couldn't feel them!  The Dr. came in and I delivered my baby in the first push with the doctor….relief doesn't begin to explain what I felt as he came out and they put him on top of me.  It was such an amazing feeling. He was born at 5:29am and was 6lbs 9oz. I would have wanted to hold him longer but with my water having the meconium in it they needed to check him out right away, he was wonderful though!  

I got him back in my arms very soon though and snuggled him skin to skin calming him down (he came out crying and hadn't stopped yet!)  He calmed enough to try to nurse for the first time and then fell asleep, they wanted to give him his bath after that but I asked for them to wait awhile since he was so peaceful at the time…and I just wanted to keep staring at him!  

Two hours after delivery is when they move you into postpartum,  I hadn't gone to the bathroom yet and they were threatening to put in a catheter, which I did not want! Luckily the nurse gave me a little longer and I was able to go on my own.   As the epidural wore off I began to feel how sore I was, I tore and had stitches…I asked the Dr. when he was doing the stitches how bad it was and he said it was a 2nd degree tear.  I didn't know at the time that it meant that tissue and muscle tore instead of just tissue….it has been so so painful this week!!  Today is the first day I have been able to even walk across the room without being in pain.

Since my water broke so late at night I didn't call or text anyone that I was in labor so it was fun to be able to surprise family by sending a picture of Dylan first thing in the morning.  They had no idea!  

It’s hard to put into words how blessed and thankful I am to have baby Dylan here in my arms (he is currently napping on my chest:) and I praise God everyday for him! It has been a long and heartbreaking journey at times, that really started two years ago when we had our first loss.  Holding this sweet little boy makes it all worth it,  the storms were harder than I ever thought it could be but it has turned into something beautiful, he truly is my rainbow baby.   

36 week Pregnancy Update

36 weeks!! Getting close! 

36 weeks

I've been getting ultrasounds every week and everything has been looking great, all the main things the doctors are watching out for like fluid levels and the placenta have all been exactly what they should be.  And baby Dylan is growing perfectly, today at the ultrasound he was measuring approximately 5 lbs 8 oz.  I am 1 cm dilated. 

It's fun getting to see him every week!  One week I saw him sticking out his tongue, another he was yawning, twice they have told me he has a lot of hair (I didn't even know you could find that out at an ultrasound!), today I watched him stick his fist in his mouth! 

I love watching my belly move all time, he makes my stomach all lopsided with his moves, it's very entertaining!  And I love love love that constant reminder and reassurance that he's in there growing and doing well.  (I'm very much enjoying being pregnant if you can't tell!)

Of course, as much as I am enjoying the pregnancy I am also SOOO excited for the day to finally come when I get to hold him! I can hardly think about that moment with out getting teary, we've been through a lot to get to that point and when it actually comes it will be beyond emotional I'm sure.

Only a few more weeks left now, at the end of the day I am a bit swollen and for some reason my shins have been bothering me (which I don't remember having that in the other pregnancies), it's definitely hard to bend over and reach my feet, I get tired/worn out easily, and I get pains from ligaments pulling often but really those are all minor things and for the most part I can say I still feel pretty good, especially for being 9 months pregnant!  It's a good pregnancy and I am just happy to be pregnant so I can't complain.    

35 weeks

It seems kind of funny for me to say it's been a good pregnancy because there's so much of it that has been a roller coaster...finding out about the MTHFR genetic mutation (and a blood clotting issue) at the very beginning, the intense fears of another loss, the bad morning sickness, the constant doctor apps., the bright spot on his heart, needing to get the weekly ultrasounds now because I'm higher risk for things, etc...it hasn't necessarily been an "easy" or "normal" pregnancy in those terms....But still...it's been a good pregnancy, and all those things just have made me that much more thankful for everything that is going so great.  Despite worries of the higher risk and things that could have gone wrong I am just praising God that Dylan is continuing to grow wonderfully inside me, I couldn't ask for more.  He is already a delight! 

fist at mouth

  

*linkup*Patience and Kindness

Hey! I just realized that I never shared the link to the Patience and Kindness post I wrote for the Me Too Mom community blog last month.

I am finishing up a bible study book called Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood and the post came after reading the chapter about letting go of harshness and anger.  Reading that chapter came at the perfect time for me, it was just during a period of feeling extra low on patience.  I love when that happens, when I come across exactly what I need to hear, or be reminded of, at the exact right time!  And happy to say that I am currently feeling better about that area of motherhood.

Here is the link if you would like to read the post! https://communitymoms.wordpress.com/2016/02/11/5135/

On a related note, I was reading part of the last chapter of the book this evening which talks about God's grace for us as mother's when we fall short and how it compares to the kind of grace we should in turn show our children.

Two phrases the author said that I underlined where:

"Parenting our children gracefully means that we treat their sin with the same gentleness we'd want to receive."

"Our children need our correction, and they also desperately need our understanding.  Gracious parenting begins by daily recognizing our own need for grace."

I actually haven't even finished the chapter yet but I like what she said there and wanted to share it!

Third Trimester!

I can not believe I am in the 3rd trimester already!  I didn't fully realized that until yesterday! I told my husband we only have like 12 weeks left and he was like "What?! How did that happen??"Hahaha!

 I have been in total nesting mode already!  I've been working a lot the past two weeks or so on really cleaning out the house, like getting rid of a lot, organizing everything, etc.  With living in such a small place with so many people I was seriously beginning to feel overwhelmed, especially with thoughts of getting out all the baby clothes, crib, etc...I had been feeling the desperate need to clear out any clutter to make room for the baby!  I've made a lot of progress but still have several areas I still want to work on before he arrives.

I pulled out, washed and went through our little bitty baby clothes and, oh my goodness, it makes me so excited seeing them!  I can't wait to have him in my arms!

This morning I had my ultrasound to check on him because of the "bright spot" that was on his heart at the 20 week ultrasound.  The "bleep" (as the doctor called it) was still there but everything else still looks great so she (my Dr.) is not concerned about it.  Baby Dylan is measuring exactly as he should, head down, 2lbs 10oz and just looks wonderful!
So after she says all that, she asked "Have we talked about your testing after 32 weeks?" I said no, and she explained that because of my medical history (the genetic mutation and a deficiency...both which they found through my bloodwork last summer) and history of losses that after 32 weeks I will have an ultrasound every week until he is born to monitor things like fluid levels, placenta, movements, growth, etc. I was pretty surprised by this, I was thinking this would be my last ultrasound.  I am glad that they are monitoring this pregnancy so carefully and I love that I will get to see my baby every week so I am looking at it as a good thing and not something to be worried about.

I am enjoying the pregnancy,  my favorite part is watching him make my belly move, last night he kicked a bowl off me when I was relaxing with an evening snack! And he is always kicking my books when I am reading:) I have been feeling good for the most part ever since the serious morning sickness all first trimester ended.  I get worn out physically and exhausted easily and my back hurts often (which might be better if I wasn't working so much on decluttering/organizing the house), my feet and hands get slightly swollen at times already but really I can't complain, it's all minor things and feeling him move around makes any inconvenience totally worth it!

Thank you for all the prayers! Two-thirds of the way there!

This one just might have to go into the hospital bag:)

NEW YEAR'S EVE!

A look back at 2015…

I feel like 2015 went by quickly for me.  It was a good year.  With how hard 2014 was, I didn't know what to expect with 2015, and I am so happy/relieved/grateful with how this year as turned out. 

Christmas just passed and I often thought back to the holiday season last year (2014), about how difficult it was, how I would have to fake a smile to get through, how much grief I was in…I was afraid all of my holiday’s would feel like that…But this one was so much different than last, thank goodness!  It’s amazing how much can change in a year, good or bad.

I have felt so much joy this holiday season.  I have been able to have fun with the kids doing holiday things without that weight of sorrow and clouds over me like last year and I am so thankful for that.  And having this baby boy moving all around inside me through this season is just an extra reminder of how truly blessed we are, it never gets old feeling your baby move and I can’t help but smile every single time I feel him (which is very often)!

I love my round "baby bump" in this picture of my cousin and I.

Looking back at 2015 it wasn't a super eventful year besides this pregnancy (which to me is huge!), there are some key events that stand out…like all the kids birthdays, sometimes it still amazes me how old they are all getting…Trey’s memorial in May…finding out I am pregnant right before my birthday in August…weekend trip to Pittsburg to visit friends at halloween…finding out this baby is boy (and doing great!)…anniversary of Trey’s delivery in November, our 13 year wedding anniversary the next day…and then my husband being off work the last two weeks of this year for Christmas and New year’s and how nice it’s been with all us being together.  Even though not a lot of big events happened in 2015, it was made up of many, many wonderful small moments which turns out is what can make the biggest impact.

Looking forward to 2016, I don’t have a whole lot of goals or resolutions this year (I actually wrote a post about this for another blog I write for that will be published in a week or two).  Being pregnant obviously I’m not making any weight loss goals like I probably normally would.  I usually make reading goals, which I still am, but I’m only planning what I want to read up to April because after the baby is born I’m not sure how my reading time will change (I read over 60 books this past year!).  

* updated to add the link to the blog post I wrote about making time to read in the new year, 
https://communitymoms.wordpress.com/2016/01/08

This year, as usual, I want to try to be intentional with my time, meet some homeschooling goals, complete some projects/improvements around the house, simplify more, but mostly this coming year I am just looking forward to baby Dylan being born, our family growing and just soaking all that in.

Thank you to everyone who has read my blog over this past year, it started out as a way to get out my story of losing my babies and to reach others going through that but I feel like it’s turned into even more, I love having a place to share what God is doing in our lives, it’s like He is using me to show that hard things can be redeemed, like even though we have had to go through a lot of heartbreak we also have so many prayers that have been answered.  My faith was tested and shaken a lot in 2014, “For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.” James 1:3, but in 2015 it definitely grew stronger than ever before.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!   

20 WEEKS!

Wow, halfway already!?!

Finally, I thought it'd take forever to get to this point!

Both of those exclamations have gone through my mind this week as I am officially halfway through this pregnancy.  But mostly what comes to mind is...

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! PRAISE GOD!

I love having the obvious baby bump, a lady that didn't even really know me came up to rub my belly yesterday, that's when you know you look pregnant instead of just that you gained a bunch of weight! YAY! HA!

So, I had my "big, 20 week" ultrasound yesterday, baby was moving around showing off his hands and feet, I love it!  He was measuring exactly where he should be, which was so awesome to hear.  

I saw my doctor right after the ultrasound and she said he looks great, everything looks perfect....except one little tiny thing.  He had what they call a "bright spot" on/in his heart, which has been considered a marker for Down Syndrome. (the ultrasound tech spent extra time looking at his heart from several angles before she was happy with the images she got so I wasn't completely surprised for the doctor to say something about his heart)  BUT, it is only one minor marker, he has none of the 15 major markers, so she, my doctor, in no way thinks that he has Downs.  It's just something to be aware of and I will have another ultrasound around 28 weeks.

We went through something similar with my now 3 year old at her 20 week ultrasound,  except her spots where on her brain, and by the time I had the next ultrasound they were completely gone and she was perfectly fine.  Having a positive experience with something like this already helps keep any worries that creep up in check.

Truthfully, even though I know he will be fine and that this really isn't a big deal, I was still upset.  I mean you just want to hear that your baby looks perfect. Period.  Instead of hearing, yeah he looks great, except....

It just took away a bit of that excited, happiness that I wanted to feel right after the ultrasound.  But I do feel it now, the relief I wanted to feel afterward, cause other than that he looked so good!! I just needed to get a good cry out and then I just accepted it.  It is what it is.  Which really is pretty much probably like 99.9% totally nothing.

And actually, I'm very thankful, it could have been something much much worse, if there was going to be an "except" in my doctors words, I am so glad it is something like this instead of a million other things that could be "wrong".

Plus, on the bright side I get have another ultrasound and see my baby again in 8 weeks!