This is a really hard time for me right now, I have already been in tears several times over the last few days and it’s only getting harder as May 7th approaches, this week is the week I was due with Trey…and not only that, the memorial service that Mercy does for bereaved parents is this Thursday. This is when Trey’s ashes will be placed at Gate of Heaven cemetery. Mercy does this memorial service once a year and this year it just happens to be right at my due date, which I am thankful for, it will be incredibly meaningful. But, even that much more heart aching dealing with the emotions of his due date, as well as the mourning for him at the memorial, and the mixed emotions 
Not too long ago I saw through a Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss page on Facebook that the Sunday before Mother’s Day is (for those who wish to observe it) International Bereaved Mother’s Day. As soon as I saw that I thought Wow that’s perfect, I love having two separate days to celebrate me as a mother of babies in heaven and then me as a mother to my children here on earth. I hadn’t heard of “ Bereaved Mothers Day” last year and that Mothers Day was hard because I wanted to focus on my kids I have here but then I also wanted to acknowledge my baby who was not with us (but to whom I was also a mother).
It’s hard to find the right balance between joy & grief for stuff like that. So this year, and from now on, I will celebrate this "Bereaved Mother’s Day" the Sunday before Mothers day as a day I get to focus on me being a mother of two babies that are not here on earth for me to hold or for everyone else to see and acknowledge but that are so much a part of me and my heart. Praying today for all the Mothers out there who also have babies in heaven instead of their arms.
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