Encouragement to talk about it…whether you have had a miscarriage or someone you know goes through one

      There are so many people who don't talk about it, either they have had a miscarriage and don't talk about it or you have had one and people don't want to bring it up.  Why don't they want to bring it up? Probably because they just don’t know what to say besides, “I’m sorry that happened to you” (which, by the way, is ok to say). Yes, someone else’s grief can be uncomfortable to those around them, so its easier to just not bring it up, right?  And then there’s the fear they have of not wanting to make you think about it and make you sad if you weren't already thinking about it.  When am I not thinking about my baby?  My babies that I lost are always on my mind.  I am thankful to those who say something, who bring it up. I WANT to talk about my babies, even the whole experience, as hard as that can be, it helps, its healing.  

Recently I had someone at church say “Hey, I have been wanting to say I am sorry about what happened with your baby and we have been praying for you, I wasn't sure when to bring it up, I didn't want to make you sad”.  Its been over two months now, people don't mention it much since its not “fresh news”, maybe they think I’m ‘over it’, maybe they just don't remember.  I was touched that he said that even though it has been a couple months, it started a whole conversation about it, I opened up about it all, I didn't get upset, I was happy to talk about it, it keeps their(my babies) memory alive.  Thank you to those who say SOMETHING, acknowledgement of the loss of a life is what means more than you having the “right” words to say. 

I encourage you to talk about it if you have been through a loss, you need it and you never know if some else needs it too.  I was surprised to find out who else had a miscarriage that I never knew about and I wouldn't have known had I not told everyone about mine. Several of those came to me and we talked about their loss too, I think it helped them as well. 
 It has been very helpful to me to talk to others who have been through it, I know I am not alone.  Sometimes you will never know what your words or actions do for someone else, God can use you through your trials.  God might have a message you need to hear and just the right person to share it with you but if you don't open those doors of communication and share what you are going through then you may miss something important. Or they might miss something important that God wants them to hear through you.  
I am not always good about opening up in groups of people in person but I find other ways, one-on-one conversations, I have shared on Facebook after losing both of my babies, in writing (journaling as well as writing what, one day, might turn into a book or ebook), starting this blog, etc. I need to get things out,  I always feel better when I talk to my husband about something that is bothering me, or text a close friend, or even just writing in my journal.  It can be hard when you those around you haven't been through losing a baby so they don't REALLY get it,  but if you open up and share they will have empathy, compassion, prayers for you, a better understanding and sometimes thats all you need from someone else.